For many people the food, family and festivities of Christmas and the New Year can be the loneliest and most miserable time of the year.

Single people, those who’€™ve recently lost a family member and those who cannot be with their loved ones, often feel more alone than ever. And the financial strain imposed by holiday season festivities can create all kinds of other stresses.

At this time of year, psychologists and counsellors are inundated with calls from distressed individuals who are finding it difficult to deal with visiting family members, Christmas preparations and the hype around the new millenium.

It’€™s hard to escape the levels of expectation generated by society around the end of year and Christmas, says University of Cape Town psychologist, Kgamadi Kometsi.

“I’€™m speculating, but I think the way we’€™ve constructed the end of year period imposes all kinds of expectations on people.”

In the face of awkward family gatherings, Kometsi says increasingly people are choosing to opt out of the traditional family gathering and to spend time with friends who form an important alternative circle.

According to Johannesburg psychologist Colinde Linda: “There are those people who dread this time of the year, and the incidence of depression (as well as suicide) is very high.

“The people I’€™m referring to are those who have had a recent loss ‘€“ such as a death, children who have emigrated, even those without a support network of family and friends. These people often rely on work to provide them with company, so the holidays are a time of isolation and loneliness.”

The other side of the coin is those families who come together at Christmas but resent every second of the day.

Family psychologist Penny Chipps said tension or a lack of communication within families often comes to the surface during the festive season.

“Families are forced to come together and many times the issues and dynamics in the group come to a head,” she said.

Chipps said some families forced themselves to pretend that all was well causing the stress levels to shoot up.

“They suddenly have to deal with issues they have been able to sweep under the carpet in the past,” she said. “The illusion of a happy family is then shattered.”

Chipps said there was also a sharp increase in abuse and violence in many families.

“Many people die at this time of the year leaving families and loved ones to deal with the loss.”

Christmas and the end of the year are also a time when many people look back at the year and evaluate their lives.

Students are one group who can be particularly vulnerable, according to UCT psychologist Kgamadi Kometsi. “Students often attach high expectations to this time of year. They’€™ve worked hard and there are certain expectations that by the end of the process they should be feeling a certain way. The reality can be an anti-climax.”

In the face of the much-hyped new millenium, Kometsi says people should tone down their expectations. The end of the year is just a transition to another year.

However, he says the fresh start that a New Year offers is important. “Everyone needs a sense of a new beginning. It’€™s an opportunity to start again which is important, but remember your own internal resources are not necessarily any different, so don’€™t set unrealistic expectations for yourself.”

Kometsi advises that people take an honest look at their circumstances and expectations before making New Year’€™s resolutions. “If I made a whole lot of resolutions last year that I didn’€™t keep, it’€™s possibly due to my own lack of internal resources.”

The expense of Christmas and the pressure to spend more than one can afford on the latest and most fashionable gifts and expensive food and drink, can be another severe burden.

The debts incurred and the feelings of guilt that surround this holiday period can lead to anxiety, stress and even to depression.

On a positive note, Kgamadi Kometsi says the holiday season offers the chance for us all to be more human.

“Those who are lucky enough to have resources ‘€“ either from family and friends or financially ‘€“ should invite someone over. Let’€™s be more hospitable and try to involve others and help someone through this time.”

 

Tips from the Depression and Anxiety Support Group on how to survive the festive season:

Difficult relatives ‘€“ If your problem is that you have relatives that you don’€™t get on with, plan to spend a short while with them only. Perhaps plan a holiday and leave on Family Day, the day after Christmas. This also applies if you have relatives that tend to outstay their welcome ‘€“ plan a holiday to get away from the house on time.

Money ‘€“ Don’€™t spend more than you can afford. The spirit of Christmas is not found in expensive gifts and extravagant food. The debts you incur are likely to cause an anxious beginning to the New Year. Rather leave some money in reserve to tide you over into January.

Alcohol ‘€“ Remember that alcohol is essentially a depressant. Excessive amounts will not help you cope and could worsen the situation.

Loneliness ‘€“ There are a number of options to choose from to make your Christmas bearable if you are alone:

Find out in advance if there are any local get-togethers and plan to go;

Telephone family and friends;

Plan small treats for yourself;

Put your feet up and enjoy the festivities on the TV and radio;

Try taking a cheap holiday ‘€“ be in a new surrounding;

Spend the time in as “unChristmassy” a way as possible ‘€“ spring-cleaning, gardening or DIY.